Play with Crayons

Creativity comes from looking for the unexpected and stepping outside your own experience.

~ Masaru Ibuka

Recently, Owen has become fascinated with Crayons.  He enjoys trying to hold as many crayons in one hand as possible.  

He enjoys taking them out of the basket and throwing them on the ground.  He loves the sound they make as they hit the ground.  And he watches with intent how they move across the floor.  He giggles in delight at the different patterns they make each and every time.

And he enjoys putting them back into the basket.

I love watching Owen play in "unexpected ways."  As an adult, I am used to using crayons for coloring; not watching them roll, or bounce, or make noises.  I am also not used to looking for the "unexpected" way in which a crayon can be used, like my children do.


So, as a parent, I make every effort to let my children take the lead, play in a way that is of interest to them.  The result: I receive an amazing blessing.  I learn that a  crayon is not just an item to color with; rather crayons have texture, movement, and colors that bring delight in many more ways than expected.  


In these moments, I learn to think "unexpectedly" and move forward with greater clarity and perspective.  I learn, as an adult, that the simple things in life are truly amazing, and often times, overlooked.  It is through the eyes of a child that I am able to remember to enjoy the simplicity in life.  


Claire




PS - Every time my children play with crayons, I think of Ania's post  Lessons from the box of crayons.  For this post taught me how to be more conscious about how my children play.

Interconnectedness

"The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn 

another, until who knows where the trembling stops 

or in what far place my touch will be felt."

Frederick Buechner

"All human beings are interconnected, one with all other elements in creation."

Henry Reed

"Happiness is when what you think, 

what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

Mahatma Gandhi

Our essential interconnectedness with each other and our planet is undeniable.  It can be seen each day, in every hour, minute and second.  To me, our interconnectedness is beyond what I can fully comprehend.  My interaction with people, consciously and unconsciously, verbally and energetically, affects people and myself in ways that are beyond my comprehension.  And, the interconnectedness will continue beyond my immediate interactions, to so many people around the world. 

When I ponder about how interconnected we are, it brings to the forefront (for me) the importance of being the best person possible, for myself, and others.  Being a parent has provided me the opportunity to see our personal impact upon others and our self. When I am functioning in a completely balanced manner (nourished physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually), my husband and children feel this and it helps them to find and maintain balance.  When I am functioning in an unbalanced manner (IE: physically ill, emotionally upset, not present, etc.), my family feels this and they feel a little off.

As a result, I strive to maintain my own balance, for my personal wellbeing, and that of my family and others.  To do this, I nourish myself on a regular basis.  This can be difficult as a wife and parent, because it is easy for me to forget about myself in the midst of activity with my family.  However, I always remind myself that all of us in the family are equal, and that we each need to nourish ourselves, as well as our life together as a family.  When we do this, we function well.  We enjoy the days and have wonderful learning experiences. 

So, how can we as parents, find time to fully nourish and take care of ourselves, for our well being, and everyone around us?  I think it is different for all of us, but in general, we need to nourish ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, so that we can live well.  Some of the ways I nourish myself these days are:

I begin each day by spiritually connecting with myself, my husband and my children.  This helps my day move smoothly and I have more energy. 

I listen to my body.  I eat well and drink water.  I exercise in some way: chasing children around, yoga, stretching, biking or walking.

I listen to my emotions.  When I feel happiness, sadness, frustration, etc., I allow myself to feel the emotion.  I let it flow through me and observe what it is telling me.

I focus on the positive.  I begin the day with a gratitude journal. 

I laugh and enjoy my family each day.

I slow down and know I don’t need to do everything.  I need to enjoy my day.

I follow my intuition and do that which serves me, rather than overextend.

I breathe consciously.  Breathing connects me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. 

I forgive myself and I allow those challenging moments to shift my awareness to what I can do better, rather than focus on what I wish I did.

I make time for myself each day, even if it is just 5 minutes to breath.  This helps me relax and prevents burnout.

I end each day with gratitude and love.

Just writing and reading my list of nourishing qualities brings me peace.  It helps me to have this posted so I can read the list each day for a gentle reminder.  And when I accomplish an item on my list, I smile at the reminder of how beneficial self nourishment is for me and my family.

So remember, find something that will nourish you each and every day, so that you can be the best person possible.  Because, by nourishing yourself, you nourish your family and the world.  

Blessings,

Claire

How We Parent

The reason we bring a child into the world is different for each of us based on our wonderfully unique beliefs.  David and I believe that children are born with a purpose in life.  In addition, we believe that we, as parents, are meant to help guide our children and provide them tools to use throughout life.

As we were deciding to have children, we asked ourselves: What do we need to do as parents to ensure our children are raised to the best of our ability?

To help us answer this question, we began researching early childhood development. We knew that the first three years of life were very important developmentally, and we were amazed to learn about the human brain development and its relationship to parenting. 

Medical research shows two major phases in life when humans have a significant amount of brain development: 

     1. Conception through age 3, and

     2. Age 10 through puberty. 

This is not to say that our brains do not develop at other times in our life, rather, our brains are always growing and changing. During these two phases, our brains build bridges easily forming our basic patterns for life. “Early experiences impact the development of the brain and influence the specific way in which the circuits of the brain become “wired.”  The outside world shapes its development through experiences that a child’s senses – vision, hearing, smell, touch and taste – absorb.”[1] 

These bridges are the basis for shaping our brain for how we will think, feel, move and learn throughout life. The bridges can be re-wired outside of these two phases; however, it is more challenging to change once they have been created. 

Some interesting facts about brain development during conception through age 3 are:

          1.     The brain begins development around the 27^th day of gestation when 
          the neural tube closes and the brain and spinal cord begin development.

          2.     The brain begins working in the 5^th week after conception.  
          This allows the fetus to begin moving in the 6^th week.

          3.     In the second trimester, the brain develops critical reflexes: breathing, 
          sucking, swallowing, etc.

          4.     Around birth, the cerebral cortex begins functioning.  
          The cerebral cortex is responsible for mental life, such as thinking, 
          remembering, and feeling.

          5.     At birth, the basis for the creation of bridges exists, 
          but they are not fully connected.  

          6.     From birth to age 3, the initial bridges rapidly form many of our 
          natural tendencies.  (Gross motor skills, vision, fine motor skills, speech, etc.)

          7.     By age 3, there are well over 1,000 trillion bridges created.

          8.     A 3 year olds brain is twice as active as an adult.

So, with 1,000 trillion synapses being created within the first 3 years, what can we do to help our children create a healthy foundation?  For us, the answer was to create an outline of our goals for parenting.

We knew that we needed to begin reviewing how we behave as individuals because children learn from their parents’ behavior.   As a result, we decided to review our personal behaviors and determine the following:

          1.     What behavioral traits do we like within ourselves and want to keep?

          2.     What behavioral traits are we lacking within ourselves that we want to create?

          3.     What behavioral traits within ourselves do we need to let go?

After we answered the three questions above, we created an outline of our ultimate parenting behaviors!  This outline is a list of behaviors we want to emulate as individuals.  By emulating these behavioral traits during a significant developmental phase (the first 3 years), we hope our children form a solid and loving foundation for their lives.

Below are examples of behavioral traits we want to model and instill within our children. 

          1.     Love others and our self.

          2.     Respect all living, and non-living, entities.

          3.     Learn how to express emotion in a healthy manner.

          4.     Maintain a positive outlook on life.

          5.     Maintain an inner calmness.

          6.     Live life with joy.

          7.     Live life with gratitude.

          8.     Live life with compassion.

          9.     Laugh.

         10.  Learn how to communicate lovingly.

         11.  Meditate daily to rejuvenate.

         12.  Exercise to maintain overall body health and strength.

         13.  Spend time in nature.

         14.  Create a healthy diet which will nourish.

         15.  Forgive.

         16.  Live in the present moment.

         17.  Embrace patience.

In order to help us model the above behavioral traits, we created an outline of basic “how-to’s”, some of those I have outlined below (the number below relates to the number above):

         1.     Show love to our children and others. 

         2.     Teach respect and use the word respect daily.  We praise our 
         children daily for taking respectful actions.

         3.     Allow our children to express their emotions and do our best to be 
         supportive of them during difficult times.

         4.     Project a positive outlook on life to our children.  While we may have a 
         negative thought, we do not express it around our children. 
         (For example:  Look, it is raining.  Isn’t that wonderful!  
         The rain helps to provide us and the earth the needed water.  
         Rather than, aw, what a gloomy day, it is raining and cloudy.)

         5.     Make every effort to remain calm during all situations around the children.  
         We express our frustrations in private.

         6.     Find joy every day with our children and activities we partake in.

         7.     Express our gratitude often.

         8.     Be compassionate to our children and others.

         9.     To laugh and play and enjoy time together.

        10.  Communicate in a calm manner.

        11.  Create a meditation ritual that is done daily and will expand as they grow. 

        12.  Get outside and move regularly.

        13.  Spend time outside talking about the beauty of nature.

        14.  Eat natural, whole foods. 

        15.  Forgive others and our-selves.

        16.  Children naturally live in the present moment.  
        We as adults try to follow their example and live in the present 
        moment with them.

        17.  Remember that everything does not happen in accordance 
        with our personal time frame and that is ok.

We are so grateful that we created these outlines to help us parent. These outlines have become our parenting goals.  They remind us of what we strive to accomplish as individuals and as parents.  They help us focus on the positive.  By focusing on the positive, we are able to fully enjoy our children and ourselves.  In addition, we are able to use the not so positive moments motivate us to be better individuals and parents for our children. 

While we created our parenting goals prior to conception, I believe that creating an outline like this at any time in your life is a wonderful concept.  Whether it is for parenting, or just self-improvement.  The written outline helps to provide focus and incentive to make personal changes.

As we move through life, our parenting goals change and grow with new experiences.  We have done a lot of growing as individuals, and are proud of how our children are becoming their own unique, special individuals.  We don’t always meet each goal.  But hey, we are human!

So, here is to loving ourselves, loving our children, and loving our parenting.  

What do you think about our approach to establish parenting goals? What do you think of the brain studies?  Do you have any thoughts or suggestions to help parents take advantage of the immense development within the first three years of a child’s life? 

~Claire

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[1] North Dakota State University - http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/fs609w.htm